Kay Hymowitz: The child-man

Now meet the 21st-century you, also 26. You’ve finished college and work in a cubicle in a large Chicago financial-services firm. You live in an apartment with a few single guy friends. In your spare time, you play basketball with your buddies, download the latest indie songs from iTunes, have some fun with the Xbox 360, take a leisurely shower, massage some product into your hair and face – and then it’s off to bars and parties, where you meet, and often bed, girls of widely varied hues and sizes. Wife? Kids? House? Are you kidding?

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With women, you could argue that adulthood is in fact emergent. Single women in their 20s and early 30s are joining an international New Girl Order, hyper-achieving in both school and an increasingly female-friendly workplace, while packing leisure hours with shopping, traveling and dining with friends. Single young males, or SYMs, by contrast, often seem to hang out in a playground of drinking, hooking up, playing Halo 3 and, in many cases, underachieving. With them, adulthood looks as though it’s receding.

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I have no clue what the author of this article wants to say. It’s so full of logical flaws and self-righteous smugness that I don’t even know where to begin.

The transition from adolescence to adulthood has been delayed
We don’t make 18-year-olds preggers for the same reason 20th century people didn’t knock up 13-year-olds. It’s called a higher life expectancy.

Single young males waste their lives
I only have anecdotal evidence, but it’s all true. Young men only drink, party and get laid. They also lack any form of intellect. I’m actually quite serious, I really am.

Women are much more sophisticated
Only men go to bars and parties in the hope of getting laid, right? And they evidently do get laid. But young women don’t go to bars and parties because they are so much better than men. But… men bed women… assumingly the same women who don’t go to bars and parties.

Women spend their leisure time more wisely than men do
Shopping? Travelling? Dining with friends? Men get berated for only having and hanging out with male friends. The logical conclusion would be that single young females dine with other female friends. Somehow that is a good thing now?

Single young males are afraid of commitment
But single young females are not? Do single young females have husbands? Do they have kids? Paid off mortgages?

In conclusion
Men are idiots, but so are women.

Whose idea was it to show House holding an iPhone on national television? Didn’t any of the writers take Physics 101? House and an iPhone in one and the same room breaks all laws of physics as we know them!

Such an event could cause an anomaly in space time continuum and possibly even create ripples that alter reality. Believe me, that is some scary shit. History could be retconned, Ben Affleck could be relevant.

House licking a loli is also dangerous when it comes to the stability of our universe.

What a major disappointment! I can’t believe I spent 30 minutes of my life without my required dose of T&A.

Getting a girl drunk and then taking advantage of her is wrong. It’s better than assaulting people in broad daylight, but it is still wrong. Always make sure she is asleep and that she will stay that way before you try anything funny.

No matter how cute they might be, fangs look painful and I wouldn’t want any near my dear precious. Imagine what horrible things she can do to you!

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Cute movie.

Ellen Page kind of reprises her role as the cute, creepy, pedo hunter girl from Hard Candy, only without the creepy, pedo hunter part. Juno kinda gives off a Napoleon Dynamite vibe. However, unlike Napoleon Dynamaite, Juno has a coherent story and is actually funny.

The smarmy, snappy, over the top dialogue didn’t really bother me. Even though two out three seasons of Veronica Mars are less than spectacular, I still like Veronica Mars and Juno is a lot like Veronica Mars when it comes to witty and sharp dialogue.

I didn’t even mind the name dropping for indie cred. That’s somewhat believable, perhaps even expected from rebellious indie-grunge kids. At least it’s not as cringe-worthy as Garden State.

Do yourself a favor, take a break from masturbating and watch Juno.

Lewisville magician accused of kidnapping child at Creekside Elementary

A 22-year-old Lewisville man who reportedly works as a professional magician was behind bars Thursday, accused of taking a 9-year-old girl from the Creekside Elementary School campus.

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The girl was not being named, but KTVT-TV’s CBS 11 reported that the girl was asked to be a magician’s assistant before she was taken off the property. Her parents told the TV station that she was blindfolded and subjected to videotaping and sexually explicit behavior. They also said school administrators did not know that a stranger had taken her off the property.

Officials at Creekside Elementary deferred comment to the Lewisville Independent School District. LISD spokeswoman Karen Permetti said Mr. Reyes took four children out of class to be assistants, but only three returned.

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Magician might be a good career choice for me. I might not know how to pull rabbits out of hats but I’m fairly sure I can pull snakes out of my pants. I could even have an assistant tease it until it releases its deadly venom.

It takes about nine months until the venom ruins your life. Various antidotes are readily available and should be administered as soon as possible.