Don’t tell me you want me to believe that Carolina Kostner’s perfectly proportioned body is a creation of accident. That is just silly and naive.

Figure skating is probably the only sport I can watch without falling asleep or worrying about having more sophisticated people questioning my sexuality. How ironic that if I were to tell someone that I enjoy figure skating, then they’d give me the queer eye. Why in the world would I enjoy watching young, attractive women in skimpy outfits showing off their asses? Silly philistines.

There is one bad thing about figure skating, though; Nessun dorma. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a brilliant piece. But everytime I hear it, all I see in front of me is Paul Potts. I bet you can see the problem. Here I am, casually fapping away, and then *BAM* Paul Potts. Talk about instant boner killer.

Anyway, look at those legs! They never end! Asada wankers can go away.