I know that I’m a year late to the party, but bear with me.

After a weekend-long wank off marathon to Backdoor Sluts 9, I was in the mood for something different — so porn with plot it was. The choice was between Irreversible, The Dreamers and Californication. Rape isn’t as amusing as it used to be. Eva Green makes me stiff but I’m not sure whether it’s an erection or me being petrified because she looks quite scary. That only left me with Californication.

Halfway through the first episode, Special Agent Mulder has a conversation with a chick at a bookstare. Then it quickly cuts to a scene with them having sex; boobies hurray. I replayed the scene a few times before moving on with the episode.

Now, I couldn’t help but to feel that there was something off with the girl. Turns out she is the same girl who played Grace Sheffield, the daughter, in the Nanny. I don’t know why, but that made me feel a bit awkward. Not awkward enough to stop me from masturbating, but awkward nonetheless. I think I’m gonna watch the rest of Californication now and then track down a few episodes of the Nanny.

Before someone asks, no, It’s not Dexter’s ugly gremlin sister. Actually, it’s Dexter’s sister done right. You know, the same way Natalie Portman is God’s second (and perfect) attempt at a Kiera Knightley (technically, Kiera was his second attempt at a perfect creature).

Sidenote: why are female nipples and areolae so hush-hush? If anything should be hidden from our young children it should be everything but the nipples and areolae. Makes less sense than why people find Scrubs funny.

Is that you, Henrietta?