She can hold my Wii while in the Money Shot stance.

…with my penis.

It looks like Ema will appear again in Gyakuten Saiban 4 (Phoenix Wright, although I suspect Capcom will re-brand it to Ace Attorney). I quite liked Ema in Phoenix Wright even though the fifth case wasn’t as epic as the fourth (since the fourth case originally was the climax of the game) and it also dragged on forever.

In any case she has grown up into a fine young lady and those capri pants are damn hot. Dare I say even hotter than her school uniform?

Nintendo Hand-Held Child Molester Target

WITI-TV, MILWAUKEE — Nintendo’s DS hand-held gaming system was a hit during the holidays. However, it’s also attracting some darker elements. FOX 6’s Brad Hicks examines how your son and daughter could get caught up in the range of a child molester

If your child is using Pictochat and waiting for a stranger to pop up you might want to consider not being such a tight-fisted pussy and actually buy your kid a game. No one uses Pictochat especially not if they have a game to play. Well, that is not entirely true. I once used Pictochat to draw a penis on a store unit, but besides that Pictochat is useless.

Castlevania: Dracula X Chronicles:

But there’s more to Castlevania: Dracula X Chronicles than a mere graphically-enhanced version of a long-coveted classic (although that alone would certainly sell the game to most people). According to Konami, Chronicles will also include the original 2D version of the game. And, for good measure, a straight port of Symphony of the Night, featuring full-screen graphics and a touched-up localization. Sorry, kitch addicts — no more scenery-chewing here.

This doesn’t really come as a surprise to me. I suspected that they were up to something when I saw Richter and loli-Maria in Portrait of Ruin. For a while I couldn’t understand why they were in the game instead of the Bloodline guys but I guess this explains it.

The art for Rondo of Blood took the Castlevania series in a distinctly anime-inspired direction, but its sequel went for a more elegant and regal look thanks to the efforts of artist Ayami Kojima. For the remake, Kojima has revisited Rondo to bring its character designs more in line with Symphony’s.

“I wanted Maria to remain feminine and elegant, so we used pink as her primary color,” she says. “We gave her this new more active outfit because it gives the appearance of an innocent and noble young woman who faces evil bravely despite her dark history, a fitting update for the character and the game.”

My penis almost had a heart attack when I read that Ayami Kojima would give the characters a redesign. The generic animu crap style of the original Rondo of Blood was awful and I don’t understand why they insist using it in the DS games.

I was, however, a bit disappointed when I saw the new designs. Maybe it is just an unflattering angle, but the new loli-Maria looks like a boy. I guess I shouldn’t complain, I’ve wanted a Kojimafied loli-Maria for ages and now it’s finally here. I wish she’d cover less skin, though. It’s a comfort knowing she’ll eventually grow up and become teen-Maria.

What a great idea to shred the CDs! Do you even need them once the game is installed? I have a better solution to the problem, give the wife a liposuction and a boob job. Sometimes I wonder why no one has given me a talk show yet.

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Part 2