Two teens face child pornography charges:

Two teenage girls face child pornography charges after posting sexually explicit photographs of themselves on the Internet.

The pornographic pictures of Elizabeth Muller, 19, of North Smithfield, and an unidentified 16-year-old Lincoln girl were discovered on MySpace.com, a social networking Web site, said a spokesman for the attorney general’s office.

The photos of the two teenagers together were posted on each of their respective Web site accounts, spokesman Michael Healey said.

Oh, sweet irony.

Prosecutors charge Ryan Zylstra, 17, posted a picture of two teens having sex on his blog. The photo was taken at a New Year’s Eve party at Zylstra’s home.

Authorities said the boy in the picture is 17, while the girl is 16. According to prosecutors, the age of the girl makes the sexually explicit picture child pornography under the law.

Zylstra now faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted of the most serious charges, which are felonies.

See you again when you’re 37, kiddo.

Do you hear that Flanders? My soul!

While being able to molest yourself might be one good reason to become a girl, it is not the only one. As a man, I severely lack the option to sue anyone and anything for sexual harassment. Age doesn’t matter:

Lorain school officials this week executed an ”emergency removal” of an 8-year-old boy who they say sexually harassed a girl in gym class.

The boy’s mother, Tammy Barth, said yesterday her son was playing in gym on Tuesday when a girl student said he and two other boys may have grabbed her buttocks.

He was then questioned in an informal hearing by school officials and he admitted he had been passing love notes to the same girl.

How am I supposed to show a girl my feelings if I can’t grab her buttocks, ask if she has any milk or send her a love letter? I cho-cho-choose you.

I got a good chuckle out of the tenth season premiere of South Park. Those who haven’t seen it already should do so. Now excuse me while I molest children to become immortal.

Young man steals schoolgirl’s swimsuit to wear, defecate in:

A man who broke into a high school, stole a schoolgirl’s swimsuit and then defecated in it as he pranced around wearing the garment has been arrested, police said.

[…]

“I did it because it felt so good,” Matsushita told the police.

That is not very romantic, is it? If you must soil a poor girl’s panties, or in this case swimsuit, at least to it gracefully; leave her your seeds of love.
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Would you trust Japanese business men with your little girls?