Why 10 is too young for your first Brazilian

Last year Nair, makers of hair-removal products, released their Pretty range, aimed at 10 to 15-year-olds, or, as they call them, “first-time hair removers”. Yes, you heard right. Ten-year-olds. Girls — children — in grades 5 and 6, encouraged to wax and chemically remove hair from their barely pubescent bodies. As online site Gawker put it, what’s next: Baby Brazilians?

Well, it seems that someone heard that throwaway phrase and spied a business opportunity, because Australian website girl.com.au is now promoting a feature about Brazilian waxes, otherwise known as a torture device in which all the hair in a woman’s nether regions is ripped off with a combination of hot wax and a high pain threshold. The website, which appears to be mostly read by girls in the nine to 14 age bracket, says of the Brazilian: “Nobody really likes hair in their private regions and it has a childlike appeal.”

Approved.

This is the article they are talking about. After having read the article, I must say that I’m tempted to open a Brazilian wax salon for girls.

I’m confused. I have this burning rage and raging boner at the same time. I’m pretty sure I want to strangle and fuck this girl, I’m just not quite sure in which order.

Why do I hate this girl? She is the epitome of what is wrong with Japan in general. The bitch isn’t ginger Japanese. She’s just using makeup to look ginger Japanese. And pretending to be ginger Japanese with makeup is the worst thing anybody can do!

First of all, the silly voice isn’t cute, it’s never cute when combined with real flesh and bone. You know how voice actresses sometimes have to sing songs with their in-character voices? It hasn’t been tried yet, but I’m sure that is a violation against the United Nations Convention against Torture. Not to mention that it is retarded.

The second thing that makes me want to puke is the flashing of V-signs. The V-sign is as old as Earth itself. Find something new already! Seeing how Churchill was the one to introduce it in modern times, it’s basically a big fuck you to the Japanese.

Huge forehead, imperfect teeth, sharp knees… I could go in forever listing imperfections. But there is still something about her when you look beyond her imperfections and retarded mannerism. I have no qualms about raping retards as long as they are not far too repulsive. Unlike 14-year-olds, they know how to keep a secret. Even if they do tell, who the hell is going to believe a retard?

Man, those huge pair of… on her tiny body… staring… gah… creepy. Look at those eyes! It doesn’t help that half her youtube videos are bukkake-esque clips without moneyshots.

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Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johansson; 12 years old.

A reader sent me this, rapists beware.