THE iDOLM@STER-Inspired Sex Toys

Preface: Not sure if these are real, but apparently these sex toys feature images inspired by characters in Xbox 360 game THE iDOLM@STER. The one on the left features a Yayoi Takatsuki knock-off, while the right one is either Ami or Mami Futami. Dunno, cause they’re twins! If you are interested in what the box says, hit the jump. The ick factor is SUPER high, so no asking what kind of sex toys these are. And apologies, mom! Brian Ashcraft

The Takatsuki box says “The soft hole of a young, pulsating girl.” There’s a heart after that. The other box says “Freshly-picked. Beautiful, young idol.” Feel that ick? Must go wash.

Who would say no to the soft hole of a young, pulsating girl?

Toys, costumes and books already bear the LazyTown name in many countries. Live tours have been franchised in Britain and Latin America. Talks are under way with Nintendo to create a video game for its Wii console, which features a motion-sensitive controller. Internet projects are also being mulled.

The bad news is now I can’t get the cake song out of my head. The good news is that LazyTown-girl turns 16 this year… or is that bad news?

It’s a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake
If the way is hazy
You gotta do the cooking by the book
You know you can’t be lazy
Never use a messy recipe
The cake will end up crazy
If you do the cooking by the book
Then you’ll have a cake
We gotta have it made
You know that I love cake
Finally it’s time to make a cake

She sure loves her cake, doesn’t she? I happen to know that cake in this case is a euphemism for something else that can be quite messy. If you do the cooking by the book as illustrated below, then you will get your precious cake.

Child Predators Could Face Execution In Texas

(AP) AUSTIN Backers of a Senate bill to toughen punishment for child-sex offenders said they’ve reached a deal that would permit the death penalty for offenders who repeatedly prey on children.

The compromise bill, which was distributed to Senate members on Tuesday, would allow the death penalty only for those twice convicted of raping a child 13 or younger. It also boosts mandatory minimum sentences for a variety of sex crimes against children.

“The goals here were pretty simple: protect children, send a message to child predators. Texas is not going to tolerate these kinds of heinous crimes,” said Rich Parsons, a spokesman for Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst, a leader of the charge for tougher penalties for child molesters.

The House passed its version of the bill, dubbed Jessica’s Law, last month. It carries a minimum of 25 years to life in prison on a first conviction and possibly the death penalty for a second offense.

The law is named after Jessica Lunsford, a Florida girl who was abducted and killed. More than a dozen states have passed versions of Jessica’s Law to crack down on sex offenders and Gov. Rick Perry has deemed passage of a child sex offender bill a legislative emergency.

Staffers of Sen. Bob Deuell, R-Greenville, the bill’s sponsor, said the Senate could take up the compromise bill as soon as Thursday.

“The only thing we impose the death penalty for is two (penetration) aggravated sexual assaults of a child,” Deuell said.

“There’s a trigger in there that if the U.S. Supreme Court rules that the death penalty for nonmurder is unconstitutional, then everything will revert back to life without parole.”

The compromise tones down sex-offender penalties initially supported by Dewhurst and Deuell. The original bill called for mandatory minimum sentence of 25 years for a wide variety of sex crimes against children. A second offense for any of those could have resulted in the death penalty.

The compromise bill requires 25-year mandatory sentences only for first convictions of rape of a young child. It also requires many convicted predators to serve 75 percent of their sentences.

The proposal increases sexual assault of a child from a second- to first-degree felony, pushing minimum sentencing from two to 10 years. A second conviction could bring life without parole.

The bill also increases punishment indecency with a child and for possession of large amounts of child pornography.

Defense lawyers weren’t part of most of the compromise negotiations, said David Gonzalez, of the Texas Criminal Defense Lawyers Association.

He criticized the mandatory minimum sentencing and said it’s unconstitutional to sentence the death penalty for nonmurder offenses.

There is only one way to prevent this:

Best Buy, ‘Geek Squad’ sued over videotaping

A woman and her mother sued Best Buy and its “Geek Squad” computer repair team Wednesday, claiming they were legally responsible for dispatching a technician who allegedly videotaped the daughter taking a shower.

The suit, filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court on behalf of Sarah Vasquez, 22, and her mother, Natalie Fornaciari, 46, both from city of Industry, alleges that Geek Squad technician Hao Kuo Chi, 26, placed his cellphone in Vasquez’s bathroom during a computer service call March 4 and recorded her showering.

Chi was arrested the same day on suspicion of using a camera to view a person without their consent and of annoying or molesting a child under 18, both misdemeanors, said Sheriff’s Sgt. Bob Skudlarski.

[…]

According to the suit, Chi came to the family’s home last month for a scheduled computer service appointment. After starting to work, he asked to use the bathroom and was shown to one shared by Vasquez and her 13-year-old sister, Kelly Rocha, the lawsuit said.

Vasquez later showered in the same bathroom. When she stepped out of the stall, she noticed a cellphone propped up on her cluttered sink, the suit said. The phone was covered in a leather case; a small camera with a red, blinking light was sticking out, she said.

Suspicious, Vasquez left the bathroom to tell her sister Kelly and when she returned, the phone was gone. Kelly then found the phone in her bedroom. Believing the phone was programmed to record her as well, she removed its memory chip and she and Vasquez took it to a Verizon store to see what was on it.

“You could see him on the video setting it up,” Vasquez said. “I was shocked.”

The sisters called their stepfather, who reported Chi to police, and he was arrested at their house.

The family is seeking compensatory and punitive damages for alleged fraud, negligent misrepresentation and hiring, invasion of privacy, intentional infliction of emotional distress and breach of warrant.

Ay dios mio!

There was a time when I wanted to be a voyeur and upskirt photographer. I abandoned that dream when I realized that it takes years of hard ninja training to become a good upskirt photographer. Besides, I don’t have much time for anything else now that I’m a full-time molester.

Kids arrested for classroom sex

NEW ORLEANS, La. (AP) - Five Grade 5 students were arrested in Louisiana on Tuesday after an investigation into allegations they had sex in an unsupervised classroom, with other classmates present.

“After 44 years of doing this work, nothing shocks me anymore,” Union Parish Sheriff Bob Buckley said. “But this comes pretty close.” The alleged incident took place March 27, at the Spearsville school in rural northern Louisiana.

Four students - two 11-year-old girls, a 12-year-old boy and a 13-year-old boy - were arrested on charges of obscenity, a felony. An 11-year-old boy who was the alleged lookout was charged with being an accessory after the fact, Buckley said.

The class was left unattended while the teacher attended a meeting, Buckley said.

“It’s not clear how long they were left alone but speculation is that it was about 15 minutes,” Buckley said.

“When no teacher showed up, the four began to have sex in the classroom with the other elementary students in the classroom with them.”

The students, who were not identified because of their age, were released to their parents after their arrests because the parish has no juvenile holding facility, Buckley said.

“I’m sure they’re like everybody else up here, shocked that children that age would be indulging in sex acts, especially with witnesses,” Buckley said.

“Children now are subjected to sex in music and movies these days. They are certainly are a lot more knowledgeable now.”

Buckley said it was unclear what a juvenile would face in penalties. For adults, conviction on obscenity in the presence of someone under 17 carries a US$10,000 fine and from two to five years in prison.

School has changed so much since my time. I never saw any classroom orgies or female teachers hitting it off with young students. So all you fucktards who claim things were better in the past can go to hell. Since I never had the pleasure to attend any loli orgies when I was a kid I guess it’s only right for my to host my own loli orgies, right?

By the way, what is a 13-year-old doing in the fifth grade? Proves that academic success does not correlate with number of lolis deflowered. Why don’t they teach you that in school?