Yet another meaningless popularity contest. To me all hats are hats — hats and nothing else. If you wear it on your head it is a hat. Having a poll about hats when you don’t know the name of any might not be the best such a brilliant idea.

My made-up names from left to right: bucket hat, cap, crown, kindergarten hat, sailor hat, summer hat, witch hat.

I can’t believe it’s been almost four years since began playing the first Xenosaga game. After disappointing sales, the series ended prematurely with Episode III. All I feel is emptiness.

The story isn’t that bad if you take it for what it is — a pretentious space soap opera. I admit that some characters’ motives felt weak at times, but I still enjoyed it. I guess I had grown so accustomed to the characters that I simply didn’t care that the story felt like the brainchild of a namedropping high school student. After all, those ridiculous things were what I liked about Xenogears before I realised that using Christian symbols doesn’t necessarily make a story profound or interesting. Yes, believe it or not, I went to high school once upon a time too.

A post about Xenosaga can’t be complete unless I pimp MOMO, right? I can’t wait until scientists invent stuff like magic, a 6th season of Futurama and 100-Series Observational Units. Is it still ephebophilia when it’s about an artificial human?

I saw Xmen: The Last Stand not long ago and the only things I remeber are Famke’s legs and feeling guilty for getting a boner watching Kitty Pryde in her skintight Xmen outfit. Ellen Page looks like a frickin’ 14-year-old! How was I supposed to know that she was one of those legal lolis? Go ahead, you can fap with a clean conscience now.

Anyhow, I later heard about the movie Hard Candy, also starring Ellen Page. The premise of the movie sounded interesting enough to catch my attention. Somthing about a girl trying to find evidence showing that a guy is a pedophile. Awesome! I thought it would be like Veronica Mars or something and I couldn’t wait to see what girl scout tricks she was going to use so I would know how to avoid them!

I guess you could say that I got more than I bargained for. Ellen Page’s character is no Veronica Mars, Ellen Page’s character is a combination of Annie Wilkes, Hannibal Lector and Mr Blonde. I consider myself indifferent when it comes to violence on the big screen. I can watch a guy get his head crushed in a vise without twitching, but Hard Candy was hard to watch.

Overall I’d say it’s a great movie, much thanks to the performance by the actors. One could argue that the movie might fail to convey the message that it’s wrong to pick up little girls over the Internet. At the end of the movie, you couldn’t help but to feel sorry for the pedophile — a little. Then again, one should just shut the fuck up and enjoy a good movie.

• Trailer

…in an upcoming movie:

Child actress Dakota Fanning will appear in a controversial new movie featuring paedophile scenes.

War of the Worlds star Dakota, 12, has signed up to appear in Hounddog.

The screenplay calls for Fanning’s character to be raped in one explicit scene and to appear naked or clad only in “underpants” in several other horrifying moments.

[…]

Fanning’s carefully choreographed rape scene has already been filmed. But then the production - which also stars Robin Wright Penn, David Morse and Piper Laurie - was stopped because of a lack of money.

But emergency investors were found and the movie is set to be finished by the end of the week.

Is this even legal? If it is I might consider becoming an actor and screenwriter and write lots of scripts with me doing questionable things. Even though there wouldn’t be any vaginal penetration, I would at least get to see some titties and hopefully also get to place my hands in some rather inappropriate places. Accidently of course!

My Admiral Ackbar-sense tells me that this is a trap. The minute someone puts his feet in the theater the Dateline dude is going to pop up and ask what you are doing there and why you brought tissues.

For those thinking she will be scarred for life and that no 12-year-old should even have to think about being a victim of rape, I’m sure Tom Cruise has fucked her up already — literally. Tom most definitely fired one of his Cruise missiles at South Dakota during the filming of War of the Worlds.

Ice cream cone or popsicle; which one is hotter?

There was a picture in the local paper today of a bunch of innocent girls each sucking on a popsicle. It was so wrong that I couldn’t have been the only one who went to the toilet and do you know what. Just thinking about the picture makes me… Excuse me, I have to go to the toilet and do… number three…